You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom. - Psalm 51:6
Transformation takes truth; little-t-truth and BIG-T-TRUTH. Let’s start with little-t-truth.
Upon listening to the short-story version of my traumatization, one of my counselors said, “Your story sounds like the drama of the gifted child.” I thought he was referring
to a child psychology principle. I asked him to explain the drama of the gifted child. He recognized that I was confused and said, “No, no, no. The Drama of the Gifted Child is a book.” I downloaded the book that night and started another wave of transformation.
One key premise of the book is that what has been inflicted upon abused and neglected children is so horrifying that the soul will deny what happened at nearly all cost to itself. In the case of child sex abuse, the reality of a mother or father abusing the very child they should be protecting is so horrific and counter to God’s design that every cell of our being wants to deny it happened, pretend something different happened, rationalize what happened and/or excuse the perpetrators. The conclusions you have to reach about your parents (that they were some combination of abusive, neglectful, drugged-out, criminal, insane, incapacitated, etc.) and the resulting false conclusions about self (un-worthy, un-deserving, un-repairable, etc.) are so devastating that the inner being rejects, denies and avoids the truth about what was inflicted. The desperate self-protection and warped self-perception can become so entrenched that the two form a conspiracy against the truth that is the very antidote and liberating force needed to heal and break free from the onslaught of emotional hemorrhaging. The energy expended in the unconscious resistance to truth (i.e. denial, pretense, and rationalization) is immeasurable and is a key contributing factor to the exhaustion lived in by the abused and traumatized.
A second premise of the book is that though elusive and initially counter-intuitive, acknowledging and accepting the truth of what was inflicted upon us by who inflicted it upon us and where it was afflicted upon us are reparative responses to trauma and abuse. The book's author, Alice Miller, unbeknownst to her, was pointing out something The Lord taught in Psalm 51:6. “You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.” As hard as the truth can be, there must be truth in the epicenter of our beings for us to function in the freedom, health, wisdom and destiny God designed for us.
Coming to grips with those difficult truths is one of the works of The Holy Spirit. Jesus told us, "But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My Name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." By invitation, we can ask The Holy Spirit in Jesus' Name to destroy any lies or denials operating in our inner being and to deliver us to His peace that is beyond all understanding. He does that by bringing to our remembrance all that He has said to us. His ways are not our ways, and His peace is not like what the world promotes. His peace comes in His Word to us, and His peace yields untroubled and unafraid hearts, the new hearts of flesh promised to us as children of The King.
There is also validation in Psalm 51:6 for all those "serotonists" out there. It "turns out" that the Hebrew word for “innermost” or “inner self” in Psalm 51:6 is tuwchah, meaning intestines. Guess where a large portion of our serotonin – the chemical that is to a large degree responsible for our healthy consciousness and perception – hangs out? Yep, the intestines. When our inner self digests, receives and functions with truth and integrity; our serotonin surges and our intestines function in peace. So much of what is physically experienced and diagnosed as bowel dysfunction, is a byproduct of unsettled realities at the epicenter of our beings. Our God of healing, peace, and order, wants to settle our inner selves.
Big T TRUTH
Sadly, there is a fate worse than earthly trauma - eternal trauma and solitary confinement in a place called Hell. That’s the bad news. The good news is that there is One, The Big T Truth, Who delivers from that fate. Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." He is the only Way to The Father, the good daddy who adopts us. He is The Truth, the True North Who settles our souls. He is The Life, the source of abundant life on earth and eternal life in Heaven. He is standing with open arms waiting to embrace you.
PRAYER
Abba Father. Please give me the grace and help to acknowledge the truth of what was inflicted upon me and to forgive those who inflicted it and those who were their accomplices. Holy Spirit, please deliver me from any untruth operating in my inner most parts to Your Peace that passes all understanding. Jesus, please forgive me for all my sins as I accept Your Blood sacrifice as their atonement and welcome You as Lord of my life.